Browsing Tag

real life

life at the moment {a short summary}

Life at the moment: happy + sad, exciting + boring, up + down.

In the past four months, I’ve gone through five jobs. Two different landscape companies, an organic farm, an artisan bread bakery, and finally a juice + smoothie bar. Although I feel somewhat happy in my current position, it’s been a battle getting here. Between a couple outrageously horrible bosses, multiple emergency room stays, and forging a new relationship, the last four-five months have been both amazing and yet discouraging at the same time. Amazing because I’ve found someone I can confidently say I love and see a future with and I can wake up and go to work without an incredible about of dread. Yay for me. But yet discouraging because the process of getting these two things was not pretty or easy or even necessarily very fun.

It’s always when you start to reflect on your past events that you realize the meaning or see the significance. Yet in the moment, nothing makes sense. How convenient.

My job basically consists of making juice, smoothies, baked goods, and other vegan-ish dishes, while putting on a happy face and being nice to customers. It is rewarding and I enjoy the fact that most days I can work alone and try new recipes and see what sells and what doesn’t. But the downside, and I guess what will always be the drawback to working under someone else, is that it’s not my own, so even though I have ideas on how to improve things, the owner has control and sees their own vision, not mine.

The upside to this downside, however, is the fact that it gives me motivation to open my own place someday. Then the vision will be my own and I can do whatever I want.

That’s my life goal right there folks: do whatever I want. 

Realistic? Probably not. But then again, reality only kills the dream. 

The job is only one part though.

Like I mentioned above, I met someone about five months ago, almost to the day, although the exact timeline is blurry, as I took a little while beginning things in fear of making past mistakes. That’s besides the point. The point is that I’m in love with this guy. He’s wonderful, caring, funny, very loving, and the best part, challenging. He challenges me to face my maybe not-so-wonderful qualities or faults in order to help me better myself.

So far, I’ve learned how to somewhat effectively put my thoughts into words and to communicate even when I don’t want to or find it hard.

Fun fact: we fell in love on top of the ferris wheel. Bonus.

Mentally though, although improving, my down days still occur. However, instead of being  a whole day, it’s more of moments now. Sad, happy, sad, content, happy, etc. Before, it was more of a sad-all-fucking-day kind of deal, a flash of happiness maybe, then back to being depressed.

I feel that J plays a part in this, but also the job, and the fact that I’ve finally back at the gym and eating decent again.

I joined the YMCA not too far from the house, and it hasn’t seemed like a struggle to get there like it did a couple months ago. Last month, I committed myself to a 30-day yoga challenge so maybe that helped as well. While I wasn’t going to the gym, I let myself beat myself up about it, which only fueled the guilt  more so doing the yoga, I think, helped clear my negative thoughts. But since getting back into a routine at the gym, my moods have seemed more stable and my happiness in terms of my body has improved. All good things.

I obviously still have days, like today, where I wish I could be more, do more, and be less myself. For some reason, I felt inadequate and just plain useless today; left out too. But I try to take these days with a gentle heart because not every day is going to be fantastic. I can only make the effort to pull out the positives and focus on the parts of the day which brought me the most happiness:

Coming home + getting hugs from J.

Receiving sloppy kisses from Leah (the dog).

Feeling as though I was still able to provide a loving space for both my Mom and J.

Eating beef stew from the crockpot (meaning I didn’t have to cook!)

Little moments + little things = the most rewarding forms of happiness.

Life, Personal

In a New York Minute

Last weekend I visited New York City for the first time.

My cousin lives right out side of Manhattan, so it was a perfect excuse to go into the city and explore. My Mom, my Aunt, and I all went down for the day on Saturday, helped my cousin with some things, took the subway into Manhattan, walked around central park, got some frozen yogurt, took a crazy cab ride, and on Sunday, went for breakfast at the Brooklyn Bagel Co.

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Exploring the city was interesting. I knew there would be a gazillion people around, but the strangest thing was when we walked through central park. I just couldn’t believe how many people were there, all sprawled out on the lawn in their bikinis and trying to suntan. It was like they thought they were going to a beach or something.

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One of the scariest parts of the trip was our cab ride from Manhattan to Long Island City. My cousin uses Uber, which is a private taxi cab service, instead of the normal yellow cabs. It was crazy. We almost hit a biker…twice.

Above is a photo I took looking out from the harbor in Long Island City. We definitely lucked out with the weather, that was for sure.

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Saturday night we wandered through the streets of Astoria because my Aunt wanted to go to Mundo, a kind of Latin restaurant situated inside the Paper Factory Hotel. The whole place was stunning. I was pretty much in awe of how nice everything was; I guess I’m not much of a high roller, eh?

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I ordered a cocktail called a Sourbon, which was described on the menu as bourbon with date syrup and rhubarb tea liqueur. I had to try it. My Aunt had been here before and raved about the Red Sonja appetizer, so we got two of those, and tried Puro Turco (feta cheese rolls) with raspberry sauce, and the Turkish meatballs. Everything was definitely amazing.

I didn’t have a great photo of my entree, but I ordered Gnocchi al Pesto, which was also awesome. I tried making Gnocchi once at home and failed epically, so it was nice to try it somewhere more upscale to see how it was actually suppose to taste!

It was a fun weekend for sure. I really enjoyed myself, even though the city was too hectic for me. And I thought I managed my anxieties well and was able to flow with everything that was going on. It is nice to be home though, in my own little world without all the chaos.

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Food, Life, Travel